Thursday, April 05, 2007

Blog Talkers

Tell us something significant (either a memory, something learned from that time period, a person who made an impact on you, an event, etc) about your teenage years.
I have decided to share a couple of poems written when I was seventeen. Both are written to a high school boyfriend whom I considered a close friend. I felt alone and confused but knew I needed someone to trust. I had never trusted anyone with my true feelings before because I believed I didn't need to and that no one wanted me to. This was a huge part of the reason why I was on the brink of depression in the first poem and smack dab in the middle of it in the second one. I really latched on to this person or in other words was very co-dependent. I had to learn how to trust others with my feelings even though it was very hard.

Look into my eyes dear friend
And see right into my soul
All my deep, dark burning desires
Hidden by a show.

See my pain, my anger, and my fear
See my agony and despair
Locked up in a crazy world
With no key to let you near.

All my thoughts lurk just behind the bars.
I can’t see out.
You can’t see in
To my masquerading scars.

Pleasure is my agony.
Pain is what you gained.
It seems you cannot know me
Through my world I call insane.

But in the utter darkness,
Separate and alone,
Your world becomes my world,
Desolate and unknown.

If true love seeks to find us
Together we will stand
On the edge of madness
Forever hand in hand.
Happiness comes into the day
As the sun rises
But never lasts the whole day through.
As night sets in
The despair comes again
Taking over my mind and soul.
The smile lasts on
But can anyone see
What’s really inside of me?
I say I’m happy
Because I don’t want to tell
How the world is seen through me.
No one cares
No one wants to listen
Except maybe you.
But can I trust you
To not look down on me
Because I’ve never felt this way before?
I’ve never needed someone so much
Or had to talk about my feelings true.
I’m sorry for the pain.
I’m sorry you did not gain
As much from me
As I from you.
I want to listen.
I want to care.
I don’t want you to carry my heart’s despair.
Please take time
Take all my time.
It’s there waiting for you.

Share your answers at Blog Talkers.


Brenda said...

When I was 13 I lost my Grandfather. I was devastated as he was the patriarch of our family and a key player in much of my life. He died from cancer even though I had convinced myself that He would be healed. That year I learned the meaning of pain and of God's sovereignty. Both very difficult things to embrace.

Judi said...

Wow. Wonderful for you to share.