Do You Want to Know About Me?

A month or so ago I asked my blogging friends to give me questions to answer about myself. Today, I'm going to begin to answer them.

Karen asked, "I know you have a passion for writing. Have you always loved writing? If not, how and when did it start?"

It's hard to say when my love of writing began. I didn't write anything outside of assignments for school, but a couple of teachers starting in middle school commented that I had a gift for writing, which sank fairly deep. I entered a "Just Say No" writing contest in the 8th grade and won for my school. I was thoroughly surprised. Writing had always come easily to me, but I didn't think anything of it. But, by high school I realized more of my desire to write when I joined the high school newspaper.

My newspaper teacher was very encouraging and inspiring. She saw a gift, which I was yet to see, and pushed me to write better and better. I later become the editor-n-chief (one of two I might add) my senior year, an accomplishment I'm proud of still today. I loved writing for the newspaper, but I didn't want to seek journalism as a career. My teacher was disappointed that I wasn't going to continue writing after high school. I did, however, discover my love of writing poetry that same year. I wrote to cope with my feelings of depression. Beyond poetry, I wasn't that interested in writing.

Through my early twenties I only wrote for school assignments in college besides poems ever so often when I had the inspiration. I married at 23 and wrote several love poems to my sweetheart husband. As our relationship continued we began to have problems and sought counseling. My counselors encouraged me to journal, not just poetry, and my love of writing deepened.

Then, I gave birth to our beautiful daughter, Scamp, almost 3 years ago. I started my blog with Scamp as my inspiration, and God revealed to me (again) the passion that had always been instilled in me. I hadn't realized my passion before or at least how deep it was. God had been preparing me all along and continues to today. I want to share my life struggles and how God has miraculously brought me through. I feel as though I am only beginning. I'm at the cusp. He opened the door for me (and another blogger) to start a book review blog entitled Teen Lit Review. I'm able to share my love of God through this ministry. But, He's still preparing in me a deeper message, and in what outlet it will be shared I'm not completely sure. I do believe, however, part of it will be in writing.

God Is Good!

I've been dealing with some major issues for several years now, some of which I am not ready to disclose over the web. But as of recent, these huge burdens have been lifted. My situation seemed so impossible. At times, I would literally lay down and cry and beg God for His mercy, of course not always believing He could (no, would) help me. For many years I let myself wallow in a pit of self-loathing and self-pity. I still battle with issues of low self-esteem on occasion, but God is teaching me that His love of me matters above all else. These feelings complicated my already difficult situation, but God is powerful enough to work on all angles.

Once I truly started to believe God's wisdom and not man's was what I needed, I began to see some real changes. First, God worked on my attitude. When you have a bleak and negative view of difficult situations, everything seems to worsen. When I began thanking God for the minute changes, I felt the hope that could only come from Him. With renewed hope, I increased my prayers, praying for specific areas in my life that needed to be restored. I began seeking out friends/prayer warriors who aided me through difficult situations with encouragement. All the while, I started believing that God really does want to change my predicament and that nothing is impossible through Him. This is only a small glimpse of what God has done and is doing in my life at present.

Although there are more areas that God is continuing to work on with me, I am a living example of the power of His mercy and hope. God is good!

Let Us Gather at the River

My husband's niece Em was baptized on Sunday by her pastor and grandfather (aka Papa, Beef's dad). We are all so proud of her and honored to be able to share in this experience with her. She accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior during a VBS this summer.

Her baptism brings back memories of mine as I was baptized in the cool waters of a creek near my home when I was eleven. I had never even heard of an indoor, heated baptismal pool a lot of other churches are able to have. My parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and on back further were all baptized in the same creek although in different sections depending on the amount of rain.

A baptism signifies leaving our old ways behind and becoming a new creature in Christ who has been washed clean from all sin. Simply put, it's an outward sign of an inner change. At the time, I didn't fully understand the meaning as I do today, hence me tearing up every time I witness a baptism.

My immersion per se took place in the muddy waters of a local creek during the hot, muggy August summer of 1990. I, along with my sister, my on-again, off-again childhood boyfriend and a small collection of a few other new believers, stood in knee-deep water waiting our turns to be dipped.

My sister went first. Then, I, clothed in a hot pink button-up dress (popular color back then), stood within the outstretched arms of my then pastor and great-great-uncle, Brother Austin. My dress barely skimmed the surface of the water causing it the rush up as he lowered me into the creek, my nose-pinched with a soft, white handkerchief. As I raised up out of the water, I realized my beau as well as the rest of the church body got a sneak peek of me skivvies.

We all trudged our way out of the creek as our friends and relatives handed us dry towels. I noticed my well-worn white creek shoes were being stained pink as the water dripping from me was the same color as my dress. We then joined in a chorus of "Amazing Grace," shaking hands and hugging to celebrate what God had accomplished. Thankfully, no one mentioned my mishap, not even my mother.

I would love to hear your baptismal/christening/conversion experiences. Please leave me a comment.

God's Calling

Have you ever felt God's calling? He doesn't always speak the same to me each time, but I know it's Him. When I was 11 years old, God called me to Him, wanting me to believe in the saving power of His son Jesus' death. I understood the message the preacher was giving, "Come and believe Jesus died for you." I realized the sins in my life. I understood that I had done wrong and needed a Savior to pull me out of my sin. As I sat in the church pew next to my mother, I knew God was calling me forward during the invitation. He wanted me to step out into the aisle, walk down to the carpet covered pew before the pulpit, kneel down and pray for forgiveness. Tears flooded my eyes as soon as I stepped out. He called me to Him that day, and I went.

I sit in this hot, air-conditionerless room, typing these words, and I feel a different kind of calling. Not one to kneel down, but one to stand up and use the talents He's given me. As believers we are all called to serve God in some way, whether to preach, to teach, to pray, or to clean the church kitchen after Sunday afternoon potlucks. He has given us all gifts. It says so in his word. We don't all have the same gifts. That is why we are called a body of believers. Some function as the hands, some as the feet, some as the mouth. Together, not alone, God has given us the abilities to accomplish His will.

God has called me to write in some fashion or another, maybe through this blog, maybe through a church newsletter, or maybe through writing books. But, I've been having a hard time believing this calling. Why? Because I have a tendency to seek other's approval. And why would God use someone who has a tendency to seek her own glory through others? Maybe that's what God is working on now. He's showing me He will ultimately accomplish His will, and He will change me to become more like Jesus. He will help me to put this selfish need aside and show me that the only approval I need is His. He created me, and He will be glorified.

God, if this is truly my calling then help me to prepare. I'm waiting on You.

Randomized Questions

I have been randomized by Sonya. She gave me some really great questions for me, so here goes:

1. Do you have a favorite hobby? If so, please share it with us. My favorite hobby right now would be blogging. I love to write, and I love pictures in general. I have been able to do both with my blog. My second favorite hobby is scrapbooking, but I haven't had as much time since Scamp was born and because I blog a lot!!

2. What is your favorite blog to visit and why?
This one is not fair because I have several blogs I love and read on a regular basis. But, if I have to pick one it would be Vader's mom because we're friends outside of the blogging world. I copied her and became a blogger, then she sent some of her blogging buddies over to my site to welcome me. I love reading about her life with Jeff and Vader. We've really been able to connect through email and blogging.

3. Who inspires you most and why?
There are several individuals that have inspired me over the years. I have actually already written about them at my other blog. Click here for my full explanation. In short, I have been inspired by David's life and his writings in the Bible. He has inspired my poetry and my being open and honest with God. Also my Sunday School teacher as a teenager, Margie, inspired me to be a better person through devotion and service for God. Judith, my mentor and friend now, has inspired me to always trust in God and seek his will by living her own life in this manner. And, my friend and cousin Jennifer, who has always been a great encourager and confidant throughout my life, has always inspired me to have hope in the things that God has promised me.

4. What is the most important character trait you wish to instill in your children?
Faithfullness. I hope that through my life I will be able to live a faithful life to God as He has always been faithful to me. We are instructed to have faith, even if it's as small as a mustard seed. God works in the lives of those who are faithful to Him and will fully bless us beyond what we could possibly imagine. We are also called to be faithful in marriage. Sometimes, marriage is extremely difficult, but with God's help and our willingness to continue to love each other, God can and will change our circunstances for the better.

5. What is the most inspiring book you've read to date?
The most inspiring book I've read besides the Bible of course, is "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I have read through it twice now and have been inspired to serve God in deeper ways both times. The book describes in detail the 5 purposes for our life here on earth. We were made to worship God, to fellowship with God and other believers, to learn discipleship so that we may become like Jesus, to serve God through ministry, and to evangelize or spread the Good News of Jesus Christ.

I know several of my blogging friends have already played along in one degree or another, but if you would like to be randomized by me, just let me know.

Finally Here

Beef and I joined our church this past Sunday. We have been attending there with Scamp for over a year and a half. It's one of the largest churches in our town, but we have found a small group to help us feel at home, our Sunday School class. Our last church split, and boy, was that devastating. This was a first for me. I knew God had brought me to that church to grow spiritually. I really didn't know about loving God for who He truly is until I started attending the College and Career Thursday night Bible study. Yes, I had been saved, but my view of God was so wrong. I thought of Him more as a distant father who punished my every mistake than as a Dad who cares for me unconditionally while disciplining me with love. I found a Friend in Him and in those in my bible study.

God has slowly allowed us to heal, and we are gradually letting others from our church into our lives. We still meet almost every Thursday with our old group, but just more for hanging out and supporting each other than study. I wouldn't have been able to bear the changes without them. Most of them attend a different church than we do, but we sometimes socialize with their Sunday School class.

It's still hard because I don't want to replace our Thursday night fellowship with new friends. I think somehow God will alllow us to continue to do both. We have been able to so far with joy, and I feel as though our Thursday group will be bound for life.

I am so ready to begin serving again. I was deeply hurt through the split and felt guilt over it myself. I was committted to a group of people, I thought, for the long haul, but through imperfections and selfishness, was quite disappointed. God can heal in ways that I will never be able to imagine, and my husband and I along with our dear friends will find hope in serving Him again. Many have already.

I have a passion for God's work more than any other type of career even though I have a degree in something else. I know the greatest blessings come from God and the most important things in life belong to Him. I pray that God will open doors for my husband and I to serve in our new church home. We have already been greatly blessed by several in our church and hope that we could do the same. God will open doors, and we will see Him work like we've never seen Him before. That is my hope.

Hope In Me

I've been feeling somewhat hopeless the last two weeks. I have been dealing with some things over the last several years, and a lot of times I still feel like I'm stuck in a rut and can't make any progress for the better. I was thinking to myself and telling others to not have hope in me, but in God, because He's the big guy in charge, and I mess up a lot. I was reading through the book the "Search for Significance" today, and God really spoke to my heart. The book talks about God's unconditional love for each of us, that God doesn't hold grudges, He's slow to judge, is very patient, etc. And, then there it was. Plain as day as I was journaling about my feelings. God has hope in me even when I don't have hope in myself!! We all need hope. We all need someone on our side, and I'm glad God is on mine!

Merry Christmas!!!

I sometimes let the excitement of the season shadow what Christmas is really all about. It's about celebrating the miracle birth of Jesus who came to take away the sin of the world. He was a living sacrifice for my sins and through His death I am able to call Him my Savior, my confidant, my Redeemer, my Healer, my Brother, my Intercessor, and my Friend. God Bless you and your family, and may you have a few miracles of your own.

A Northside Christmas

The Christmas program at our chuch was such a blessing. There was drama and lots of music. There was an intermission in between the two acts where we all joined in with Christmas songs. The play went through the nativity, the miracles, the crucifixion, and the resurrection of Jesus. I cried during the miracles and crucifixion. The most moving part to me was when the choir sang "Mary Did You Know?" by Mark Lowry.

I really love this song now, especially since I am a mother myself. She was in love with baby Jesus just like I am with Scamp, which brings about another point. What a horror for her to watch her Son be tortured and die on the cross for the sins of others, even her own sins. What courage, mercy, and grace God must have given her to be able to withstand that! I am thankful for Jesus' gift to me. He is truly the reason for Christmas.

How Can God Love Me More Than I Love Scamp?

Have you ever sat back and wandered about who God really was? What type of character God has? I know that for a while I believed that God was a big, mean, powerful being that reigned over me with an iron fist, ready to punish me at a moments notice. I have to work on not believing that lie. For me to feel ok about myself, have self-worth, I have to believe that God loves me unconditionally.

Today, I was thinking about how I love Scamp. It gives me joy to watch her playing and having fun. I'm excited to see her when she wakes up from her nap. I clap and pick her up and squeeze her. I can't give her enough hugs and kisses even when she's pulling away from me. I love her just the way she is, no strings attached.

What if God felt that way about me? I let myself feel that today. I imagined what it would be like if God was standing in the room with me. God clapped when I woke up this morning, and He couldn't wait to tell everyone that I was awake. He followed me around the house hugging me and kissing me. He was so excited to talk to me. He listened intently to every word I said. He told me that nothing about me was a mistake. He planned for me to be just the way I am even though I tried to argue.

You wouldn't believe the weight that was lifted off my chest. I don't have to prove anything to God. I don't have to work and work to show Him how good I am. He loves me so much that He even has the hairs on my head numbered (Matthew 10:30) and knows when one falls off.

I needed a little bit of healing today. God loves me and every believer in Him much more than I could ever imagine. I have to even relate His love to my own love that is far from perfect to be able to understand even a little. I don't know how many hairs are on Scamp's head:) I may not even know how to love her the way she needs me to, but I do know that God can if I believe (and she believes for herself).

I believe that God's love for me is perfect for today. That even when I make huge mistakes I can always come to Him. That I am loveable and acceptable. And that I need Him far more than I can realize. I need to be loved unconditionally. I think everyone does.

My Purpose in Life

My purpose in life is to complete the mission God has planned for me. The greatest part is sharing about Jesus, telling others what He has done for me, and how they can know Him personally. I have missed many, many opportunities out of fear – fear of being rejected, of others not liking me, of just plain confrontation. I would do anything to avoid confrontation. I don’t want to leave this life without being the person God wants me to be and doing what he has asked of me.

I want to stop living in fear, letting fear control my life. Hey, I’m always going to be afraid, but I don’t have to let it control me.

I asked God for forgiveness of my sins when I was 11 years old. I realized that I was a sinner, I did a lot of things that weren’t right, and I told God that I believed that His Son, Jesus, had died on the cross for my sins. Jesus was perfect. He didn’t deserve such pain and humiliation. He had tens of thousands of angels waiting to save Him from death on the cross, but He chose to die anyway.

After I prayed, I didn't have a huge overwhelming swell of emotion. I just felt like everything was ok, and that God had forgiven me. Because of what Jesus went through, I now have hope. I will never be alone. I can always tell God how I'm feeling even when I'm mad at Him for some reason. I know that my life has purpose, and that even though I have problems, God will always help me through them. I have hope that God will use me to help someone else with the same problems.

If you're reading this and have a personal relationship with God, please pray that I will have the courage to fulfill God's purpose for my life. If you don't have a personal relationship with God and want one, here's some Bible verses to tell you how:

"That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

The Bible says "...Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures; and that he was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures..." 1 Corinthians 15:3b-4

Jesus said, "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to myself; that where I am, there you may be also." John 14:3
Jesus had prepared a place (Heaven/Eternity) for those who believe in Him.