Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Only Man I've Ever Loved: Part 4

Putting Matters into the Hands of God

My on-again, off-again boyfriend had left for California, and I was in the free and clear. Matt continued to date until the end of the following spring semester. By then he had simmered down on dating because he was preparing for a summer-long mission trip.

We were together quite often those last two weeks of the semester. Matt had even asked me to play tennis with him the day prior to his departure. I was ecstatic. It was hot out, so we only played an hour or so before heading back to his BSU apartment to cool down. Matt turned on the TV for a little Scooby Doo.

I relaxed in their recliner while he sat on the floor below me, my feet dangling next to him. He proceeded to give me one of his famous foot massages. I had seem him bestow these on many a BSU girl, but I had never been a recipient. “What is he doing?,” I thought, my mind going crazy. Was he feeling something, too? He continued to rub my feet as my heart raced faster and faster. Then . . . he calmly exited the room leaving me disconcerted as to what had just transpired.

He had to arrange all of his belongings for his trip because he was going to spend the night at his parents’ house before leaving the next day. I followed him out as he was packing his things into the trunk of his car. I was grasping for anything worthwhile to say, but just managed to bumble out “I hope you have a good trip. I’ll miss you,” as I awkwardly hugged him. I was left in undisclosed angst.

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed over the next month. “Lord, I don’t know how I feel. Please give me peace about my feelings. I care so much about Matt. If we are meant to be, let him be the one to initiate a relationship. And if he does, let us never be apart again because I will not risk losing his friendship. Amen.”

I wanted God to be in control of this relationship if it was ever meant to happen. I had been in a lot of unfruitful relationships. Matt was very important to me because he was my friend first. I felt as though I had a lot at risk.

One very sleepless night, I lay awake in deep thought about how I genuinely felt about Matt. I was anxiously praying, “Lord, give me clarity about my feelings.” Then, as quickly as my desire was uttered a surge of excitement rushed over my body--as though I had been injected with pure adrenaline. Each beat of my heart was like an electric shock of joy and anticipation.

The whole combination of miraculous sensations was overwhelming yet captivating. It was as though I had never felt love before; or at least, never to the degree of becoming totally encapsulated in such an awesome array of emotions. God had undoubtedly implanted my every want and desire for Matt by opening up my soul and allowing me to discover true eros.

I was sincerely and completely, desperately and unbelievably in love with Matt. I had incredible peace knowing that we would one day soon belong to each other. In my mind, he was no longer my brother. He had become the only man I had ever loved, the man God had promised to me… and he had no idea.

Check out Our Love Story for the previous segments. Watch for Part 5 coming next week.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Dancing Diva Scamp
Click the link to watch Scamp.

I wish you could hear the song she's grooving, too, "White & Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic, a Parody of "Ridin'" by Chamillionaire. My husband is a geek. What can I say? But Scamp will dance to anything with a beat!

Why do kids love hot dogs?

Scamp discovered this indulgnece last week. This was the first time I served her a hot dog (turkey dog). She has eaten them before though. I'm such a nutrition freak (or dietitian) that I haven't feed her one before due to both the choking hazard and the outright fat-filled ingredients. Also, I had nothing else to feed her. She has never been that excited at lunch time. I think she not only enjoyed feeding herself but also the deliciousness of the delicacy. Hey, I know a good hot dog when I eat it! The first thing to go on her plate was the hot dog even over the crushed Mexican corn bread, which she can never pass up. What have I done?!

Monday, February 26, 2007


That's me. TV-aholic, TV-junkie. I'm addicted, and it's come to my realization that I need to break the habit. I've always known that TV has been my favorite hobby, but I would never admit that to anyone. The "Get To Know Your Friends" memes usually have a favorite hobby question, and the first thing to my mind is TV because that is what I do the most. I could tell you exactly which shows I like are own starting from 7:00 am until 10:00 pm. I leave the TV on constantly even if I'm not watching it. Even if I'm reading a book or taking a nap the TV is on mute so that I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

I'm addicted to movies as well. They are my favorite past time. I was walking through the video store with my cousin LeChelle last week and was able to tell her the ratings of all the movies she picked up, what the movies were about, and whether they were worth watching or not. She had barely heard of any of them.

It's been weighing on my mind since Scamp was born that I need to cut back or right out eliminate it. I don't want to teach her that TV can be your best friend. It has been mine for a long time. If I'm having a bad day, I watch it to leave my own reality. If I'm sad, I watch a love story to lift my mood. It's my distraction, my comfort, and my idol. Instead of focusing on my family, my friends, my own self, and God, I'm tuning in to someone else's family, friends and god whether real or not.

I've made it a goal to not watch TV during the day when I'm at home with Scamp. I won't let Scamp watch more than one children's video a week, so why do I let myself? I've been doing fairly well the last couple of weeks, but it's hard because it's what I've done for years! Without my shows, I'm able to accomplish more housework, more writing, and more quality time with my husband.

I don't want it to control my life anymore. I've slowly been cutting out shows from my line-up. I do have a new DVR, so I record the shows I like then watch them when no one else needs my time. Hopefully, I will be able to resist adding any new ones in for the new seasons.

I also have a tendency to watch shows with questionable content. TV now is not the TV of my youth. Bad language and racy scenes are the norm, and if a show has neither, their viewings are typically lower. That is what I believe to be true anyway. I'm a little bit better with movies, but I learned the hard way that there are certain images that will never leave my mind. For that reason, I've chosen not to watch rated R movies.

This is a huge struggle for me. I've become too accustomed to viewing things myself I would never allow Scamp to view. They have impacted my life in a negative way, so why do I continue to watch inappropriate shows? Because I want to and it's viewed as acceptable so no one will probably ever call me on it. Hopefully, I will allow God to change this area in my life. I'm hanging on to this one with all my might!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Weekend Reflection

I was exasperated after lask weeks' busyness but was able to spend some down time this week. Rest is nice!!

Scamp had a fever the last couple of days, but it seems to have subsided for the most part.

I've been able to find time to write more, which is something I love to do.

We were able to attend both Sunday School and church service this past week. We've been MIA from church the last three weeks due to illness.

Visit Judi's to play along.

Photo Hunters: Soft

What's more cuddly soft than a kitkat wrapped up in a blanket?

Check out Photo Hunters to participate.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Blog Talkers #8

What is your most annoying habit? The thing that drives someone else crazy…..

My hubby would say leaving piles of paper EVERYWHERE, especially on his computer desk and on the coffee table. I'm not a neat person. I used to put that I was organized on my resumes, but that's a total lie. I believed the lie for awhile, but then it dawned on me. I'm just not coordinated. I'm also a little lazy. Why put things away if you're going to use them again soon -- does two weeks later count as soon?

On the other hand, I tend to know exactly where I've left things even though they aren't in a drawer or on a shelf. Wait. . . No. That's a lie, too. I think I know where everything is, but most of the time I have to search and search for hours for my lost keys, my license, my books, my clothes, my baby. Joking! I've never lost the baby (except for that time she followed the cat under the bed, but I eventually found her!).

Sorry, Honey, I know I have a pile of papers on your desk now, but I haven't found a place to put them yet! It's important that you leave them right where they are, so I don't lose them. Thanks. I love you, too!!

Play along at Blog Talkers.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

What's New in Scampville

Yes, that's snow. Her daddy thought she would like a little snow cream minus the sugar and vanilla. Just plain, hopefully clean, snow. She ate the entire bowl. The next day, she requested a little for breakfast. Meaning, she walked past the back door, saw the snow, and whined until her daddy went and got her some. Of course, that's not the only thing she had for breakfast. Her daddy added a little sugar that time (in addition to her egg:).

This has also become her new favorite perch. It's helpful to me because I am able to unload the dishwasher and even cook a little dinner while she sits quietly. She actully has a bowl full of pacifiers sitting with her that she likes to sort, taste, and drop repeatedly for me to pick up. She sat there for an hour last week! Of course, I'm a little on guard because I don't want her to fall off, but it's all been fun and a great new adventure for Scamp.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Only Man I've Ever Loved: Part 3

My Top 10

I eventually forgave Matt for torturing me at the amusement park, and we began hanging out often. One of our favorite places to go was our school’s rec center. He taught me how to use the weights, and we would go several times a week. We ran together; actually, I would walk and he would run swishing my ponytail as he passed me on the track. He taught me how to play racquetball, and luckily he survived. I pelted him a few times in areas I do not care to mention. We went swimming. I splashed around in the water while he tried to dunk me. All just sibling rivalry, or was it? The rec center would be the place where I first noticed those little sparks of love, but that is further along in the story.

It was the fall semester of 1998, two years after Matt and I had first met. Georgia Girl had just ended their 2-year relationship, and Matt was obviously angry and heartbroken. To work his frustrations out and to meet girls as he later concluded, he decided to develop a Relationship Test to be taken via computer. The idea was that a guy or girl would put their better half to the test. The 1st part of the analysis directed each person to identify their own top 10 desired qualities in a mate. Next, the person would see how many of those qualities their love interest possessed. If he/she matched 7 out of 10 qualities, the program would conclude that he/she was well suited for that person. Six or less meant you had better find love and compatibility elsewhere.

Matt encouraged me to take the test and put my current love on trial. I listed my top 10 qualities, but I knew beforehand that my other half did not match my standards. Thus, I secretly chose Matt to compare because I knew he would stand up to my values. He was, after all, the best person I knew. He loved God and placed Him first in his life closely followed by family. Unbeknownst to Matt, the test actually worked toward his advantage. He had aced it by meeting every single one of the traits I had listed. I dared not to tell him! I didn’t want him to think I had feelings for him, feelings that I myself did not know I had. Was this the beginning of love?

As the weeks followed, I found myself thinking more and more about Matt and the feelings I thought I might have toward him. We continued to work out together just like we always had, big Bro’ helping little Sis’. But, this time was different. Never before had I noticed any feelings while my hands laid firmly in his for support as I curled the weights. I was thinking excessively, “Was I really getting nervous around him? No, Shawna. You’re just making things up. He’s my BROTHER!” In actuality, he wasn’t. “But, what do I do if I like him?”

I was going to have to wait. This was definitely not the time. He had just been greatly wounded by the one girl he thought he would be with forever. He had also been dating a lot, and I was not about to be one of the rebounds. What's more, our friendship was too irreplaceable to be tossed aside for flighty feelings that had not yet been grounded.

Click Our Love Story to catch up on previous segments, and part 4 is coming next week.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Weekend Reflection

I had a very busy week, but I spent some quality time with some friends -- my mentor and friend, Judith, and my friend Robin and her two daughters. I also ate lunch one day with Beef's sister and dad and my friend Amelia. They bought my lunch.

We had a wonderful Valentine's Day. You can read the post below for details.

Beef's parents kept Scamp overnight Friday, and we went on a double date with my cousin LeChelle and her husband Jerrod. We had Mexican and then headed over to Hastings for a movie rental but ended up watching "Step Up" - a girl's movie I had at home - since nothing was in. Thanks guys for entertinaing us girls!

Beef took me out to Cracker Barrel for a special Valentine's breakfast this morning. Mmmm - pancakes. I still have one and a half in the fridge for later.

Check out Judi's blog to play along.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Photo Hunters: Antique

This is the closest to antique I could find. This is Bea's (my husband's grandmother)sitting room at Christmas. Her entire room is full of antique furniture and knick knacks. Some of the ornaments on her tree look like antiques as well as the home-made bunnies off to the side (even though they probably aren't). I love the colors, and look at the chalk painting over the mantle. That's hubby's mom as a child. Beautiful!

Go to Photo Hunters to participate.

Cat in the Closet

Scratchy (aka Kitkat, Kitty, Ki) had to find a new hiding spot. His last spot was under our bed, and you've seen the pictures of Scamp under there with him. She has found and overtaken every favorite spot of his but has not invaded his last sanctuary, our closet. Yes, this is the bottom of our walk-in closet or stand-in and stretch closet because you can't manuever around in there.

I find him there throughout the day. Sometimes, he's trapped because I forget he's there and close the door. But, he doesn't seem to mind. Tuesday, Scamp and I left for a 4-hour stretch of time and when I came back, I found him. No way out, no way in. Just like he likes it. I opened the door to allow him to escape, but he lazed around in there for another 2 hours. It will be his special space for now, until Scamp learns to open the door!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

What My Valentine's Was All About

Chili's Molten Chocolate Cake!! See Scamp's hand? This is right before she grabbed the spoon. She knew something "good" was up there!

Shameless! Boy, it was delicious!!

Beef took Scamp and I to Ryan's, a great buffet!! We hate lines, and Scamp and I love home-cooking, so it was a great place for Valentine's. Then, we ordered the Molten Chocolate Cake to go. I thought, "How are they going to do this without all the ice cream melting?"

They placed the ice cream in a styrofoam container and didn't heat the cake so that we could at home. The two sauces, caramel and the chocolate hard candy shell were in containers by themselves. Of course, the chocolate didn't harden until it hit the ice cream. It was incredible.

Beef gave me a jewelry box and a huge chocolate heart, and we gave Scamp two new books. I gave Beef an Ice Age DVD (I got gypped with the one I gave him for Christmas. It was missing the extras DVD). And, I gave him a new CD for the car, one that I can't tell anyone because he would be so embarrased! We had a great Valentine's!

Blog Talkers #7

If there were no blogs, what would you be doing right now?

Blogging has become a favorite past-time to me. Past-time?! What?! More like my daily sustenance. Hey, only joking. (Or am I?)

I have a tendency to become obsessed with writtng new posts. I'm always on the look out for what I can post next. It has become my "me" time, the time when Scamp is alseep in her bed.

I have to fit a lot of things into Scamp's nap time besides my "me" time. So, what else would or should I say "need" to be doing during that time instead of blogging: showering, eating, cleaning house, exercising. But, not today. Today, I chose to blog.

Want to play along? Check out Blog Talkers.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The Only Man I've Ever Loved: Part 2

Two Days

It literally took two days to move myself out of my apartment, withdraw from UTC, and enroll at my last choice college, a local state school 35 minutes away. Classes started on Wednesday and that night, my friend Joseph dragged me to the Baptist Student Union fellowship. It was their first and only year to do “family” groups where a senior guy and girl became “Dad and Mom” to a few freshmen “children.” The goal was for the seniors to help us adjust to college life.

Joseph and I arrived that night to meet our new brother, Matt, which unbeknownst to me would be my future soul mate. My first impression of him was that he was tall, very tall and quite handsome with his wispy blonde hair and blue eyes. I was nervous, but I managed to fumble through a greeting. I always thought I would marry someone with his characteristics, but this was not love at first sight.

To begin with, he was my “brother,” and boy, did he let me know that. Secondly, he had a serious girlfriend, “Georgia girl” as he called her. She was his “meant to be.” I, too, had just recently become attached, so any fleeting thought of me liking him in that way was immediately cast off. So began our 2 and 1/2 year brother/sister friendship.

As part of our “family” experience, we were encouraged to bond by socializing together. Matt decided that he would take Joseph and I to the local amusement park for their Halloween festivities, which included scary rides and haunted houses. I was a fan of neither, but went along anyway.

The guys wanted to start off with a loop-dee-loop, feet dangling, gut wrenching thrill ride. I refused and began to stomp away. As I fled, I felt two large arms encircling me and lifting me from the pavement. Matt thought he would carry me on the ride. How sweet and gentlemanly-like. Wrong! He and Joseph blocked my escape and forced me onto the ride. I screamed with terror as the ride twisted and looped at G-force speed. Matt thought I would enjoy the ride if he could just help me get over my fears. He was mistaken. I was mad and quite freaked from nearly blacking out on the ride, but I didn’t want to be a party-pooper. So, when they decided to try a haunted house, I said ok.

The first one took less then 5-terrifying-minutes to walk through, and I wasn’t about to go through another one. Then, smooth-talking Matt convinced me the next one wouldn’t be that scary. Anyway, I could hang onto the back of his jacket for support. We started in slowly, my fists clinched tightly to his gray-hooded sweatshirt, which by the way, he was wearing. It was dark and smoky. I could barely see the black-lighted aliens waiting to scare the living daylights out of me. The farther we went, the more tightly I clung to Matt, nearly ripping his jacket off. I screamed and hid as ghouls lurked in and out of every corner. Matt loved my every scream, my every shutter in fear. Apparently, I was what made haunted houses fun.

If you've missed the 1st part of the story, click here to read, and look for part 3 coming soon.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Some Days Are More Exciting than Others

I called Beef at work today like I normally do everyday, but I had some BIG news for him. Here's how our conversation went:

Me: "I gave Scamp a bath, snd she's running around naked."

Beef: "Yeah, so."

Me: "Well, she got in the corner and started reading 'Dora's Potty Book.' Then, she came over to me and started grunting and pointing for me to go over to the corner. I did, and she had left me a present!"

Beef: "What do you mean?"

Me: "Poop! She wanted me to pick it up!"

Beef: "Are you sure it was hers and not the cat's?"

Me: "It was still warm."

Technology and Scamp

What a world we live in! I'm a techology baby myself. Just in my lifetime (28 years), I've seen desktop computers move to the lap and to the hand. I've watched telephones with cords change to cordless, homeless and beyond. You used to could only reach my parents at home while they were there. Hey, you can catch me in the restroom at JcPenney's!

I loved my record player and my cassetes. My mom still listened to her 8-tracks when I was in grade school. I used to buy CDs. Now I can download songs off the web for my MP3 player. I can watch movies in my car or on my husband's handheld Nintendo DS. Going to the movie theater isn't as much of a thrill because we watch TV on our wall using a projector.

These are just to name a few, and here Scamp is growing up with all of this just like it's nothing! Who would have imagined 50 years ago that we would have all of this? When will it be enough? More and more and more stuff!

Sometimes, my brain just needs a rest!

Redneck and Single

Yes! Only in the South!!! Redneck and Single. This guy is probably loving the free plug here. I just happened to have my camera ready.

This truck actually led a 20-minute discussion between Beef and I. What is a redneck? A redneck in my mind is a Southerner, typically male, lives in the country and works hard on the farm. He also enjoys huntin', fishin', cow tippin', muddin', Nascar, monster truck races and/or tractor pulls, drinkin', smokin', honky tonkin', line dancin', and cussin'. He wears jeans, a large belt buckle, a shirt with the sleeves cut off, a cowboy hat, and boots, which he wears on all occassions. Even with a suit for church. He generally has to live the entire lifestyle not just like a few of the previously mentioned characteristics.

What's a redneck in your definition?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Photo Hunters: Broken

I joined Photo Hunters. It seems like a lot of fun and several of my blogging buddies are participating. This week's them is "broken."

We went bowling for one of our Girl's Nights Out. Check out Beth's score. She broke her record. I think Milly may have broken hers, too. Look at all those strikes, but please ignore my score. So bad:(

Go to Photo Hunters to sign up or view other bloggers who are playing along.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Weekend Reflection

It's been a harder week. Not a lot of huge things have happened, but I'm still blessed to have a wonderful family, friends, home, church, etc.

Beef and I joined our church this past week and are excited about being apart of some of the ministries there.

Stacy sent me a "30 Days of Joy" kit today. She filled 30 envelopes with something special for me to open one each day. It really made my day. Your a great friend Stacy!

God has given me hope and encouragement through my devotion time.

I started writing Our Love Story, and it has been really fun blessing to write.

Go to Judi's to play along.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Blog Talkers #6

Is parenting harder today than our parents had it?

The emotional distress of parenting was the same for my husband and I as it was for my parents. We are blessed with these new little babies and fall head over heels in love with them. We continue to love them more and more each day and have our heart strings yanked as they walk farther and farther away from us.

It starts with watching them grow from tiny babies we hold in our arms to toddlers who fight to be free of our grasp. Then, they become children who don't want to be hugged or kissed by their mom as the are dropped off at school. I have yet to experience this, but the thought alone breaks my heart and that's not even thinking ahead to when my child leaves home. As parents, we will go our entire lives worrying about our children. We will have to let our children go even though we desparately want to hang on to them.

A few days after Scamp was born, I was up late with her one night. She wouldn't go to sleep, and I was exhausted and tearful. My mom called at 6:00 am to check on us, and I was mad because she woke me up. She could have waited two hours to check on Scamp, but she didn't. She told me the next day that she had been awakened from her sleep with a feeling of dread that something was wrong with ME! She was up half the night and waited as long as she could to call. She was worried about her baby, not mine. I was so ashamed of my thoughts, but yet so blessed to think that my mom still feels the same about me to this day as she did the night she fell in love with me as a baby.

Visit Blog Talkers to play along.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Our Love Story

I've finally decided to write the story of how Beef and I met and how God played a huge role in this process. I'm writing it first because everyone thinks there love story is the best. Secondly, I want my daughter to cherish these memories as I do.

I'm going to try to post a segment of the story once a week until it's finished. Hopefully, this will keep me on the ball writing it. Sometimes, I start things that I never finish, and I don't want this to be one of them.

I'm going to tag the story as "Our Love Story" so that if you are interested in reading it, but miss a part or two, you can catch up. I hope you enjoy this as much as I have.

The Only Man I've Ever Loved: Part 1

My New Beginning

My claim is that the only man I have ever loved is of course, Matt. This is the story of how God brought us together.

First, I do need to begin with a little back story, which begins with where I decided to go to college, the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. It was a prestigious school; well, as prestigious as you can get in Tennessee. I liked the idea of fleeing the coop, moving out of my parent’s home and embracing the whole college experience, which included living on campus. I chose the largest and most expensive apartments on campus: four-bedroom, one-bath with three brand new roommates.

Dreams of parent free living started fading fast as they took me for my first on-campus visit. It was a beautiful area. It had the classic state school feel and was in the middle of downtown Chattanooga, which meant mounds of one way streets that where quite tricky to maneuver. And, I hated it. Right out. I just wasn’t feeling it. I hated those one-way streets. I hated not knowing how to get anywhere. I hated not knowing anyone. I hated the entire city, but this was it!! I was going to be a UTC alumnus. No discussion. No way was I going to back out and tell my parents I wasn’t ready to leave home. No way was I going to a smaller, closer-to-home, commuter kind of school. I was going to be a true-blue, dorm-living (apartment, that is. No communal restroom for me!), full-fledged college experience kind of gal!

My parents moved me into my apartment on Sunday night just in time for me to start classes the following Monday. I met my roommates, and they seemed ok. They didn’t really talk to me much, but I just knew we would be friends. I went to sleep that night with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. What had I gotten myself into!
I woke early, took a shower, and went to my first day’s classes. Every part of me tried to shove those sick feelings down, but I just couldn’t shake them. I finished my classes, went back to my apartment, and tried to call an acquaintance for support. We had graduated together, and she was here, too. She gave no answer to any of my several attempts. My roommates where locked up tight in their rooms, so I just couldn’t talk to them. I ended up walking the entire campus, trying to “out-walk” those feelings. I headed over to the Baptist Student Union. I thought to myself, “God, I don’t know if I’m supposed to be here, but I’m going to try my hardest to fit in."

“Don’t knock it, ‘til you try it,” kept ringing in my head. It was the advice an old boyfriend gave me before I left. Walking into new places and talking to new people was a huge phobia of mine, but I was going to this. I was going to stay here. I introduced myself. I chatted a little, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell them about the turmoil going on inside my head. I walked out feeling worse than before. I ended up back at my apartment and decided to call home. I couldn’t get an answer from my parents or my sister, only my brother-in-law, and we weren’t really close. He tried to be understanding, but it just didn’t help. “I’m coming home,” I said. Tell mama and daddy, I’m on my way.”

What would have happened if I had gotten in touch with anyone besides my brother-in-law? They might have tried to talk me into staying, and my life might have been different. All I knew was that I wasn’t supposed to be there. The hour and fifteen minute drive home only took me fifty minutes. I was never going back. A huge burden was lifted off me as I prayed, "God, I'm going to listen to You from now on." God had different plans for me. My life was about to change. I would meet my future husband two days later.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Finally Here

Beef and I joined our church this past Sunday. We have been attending there with Scamp for over a year and a half. It's one of the largest churches in our town, but we have found a small group to help us feel at home, our Sunday School class. Our last church split, and boy, was that devastating. This was a first for me. I knew God had brought me to that church to grow spiritually. I really didn't know about loving God for who He truly is until I started attending the College and Career Thursday night Bible study. Yes, I had been saved, but my view of God was so wrong. I thought of Him more as a distant father who punished my every mistake than as a Dad who cares for me unconditionally while disciplining me with love. I found a Friend in Him and in those in my bible study.

God has slowly allowed us to heal, and we are gradually letting others from our church into our lives. We still meet almost every Thursday with our old group, but just more for hanging out and supporting each other than study. I wouldn't have been able to bear the changes without them. Most of them attend a different church than we do, but we sometimes socialize with their Sunday School class.

It's still hard because I don't want to replace our Thursday night fellowship with new friends. I think somehow God will alllow us to continue to do both. We have been able to so far with joy, and I feel as though our Thursday group will be bound for life.

I am so ready to begin serving again. I was deeply hurt through the split and felt guilt over it myself. I was committted to a group of people, I thought, for the long haul, but through imperfections and selfishness, was quite disappointed. God can heal in ways that I will never be able to imagine, and my husband and I along with our dear friends will find hope in serving Him again. Many have already.

I have a passion for God's work more than any other type of career even though I have a degree in something else. I know the greatest blessings come from God and the most important things in life belong to Him. I pray that God will open doors for my husband and I to serve in our new church home. We have already been greatly blessed by several in our church and hope that we could do the same. God will open doors, and we will see Him work like we've never seen Him before. That is my hope.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Weekend Reflection

What a wonderfully blessed week with my husband!!

My hubby watched Scamp while I had a girl's night with his sisters and friend. We watched Dream Girls at the movies. It was a really good movie.

We had our usual Thursday night get-together and had a lot of fun singing and hanging out with our friends.

We had a Mystery Science Theater 3000 party with a few guests, Beef's specialty home-made pizza, and lots of other treats. I'm not a huge fan, so I was able to catch up on some blogging:)Beef's brother-in-law, Fluff Fluff, was able to come. He had to work late last minute, but ended up making it to our house just in time!

I was able to spend more time with my friend Janice this week. We've had some good talks.

Play aong at Judi's blog.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Scamp's First Snow Day Romp

This is the first "sticking" snow of the year! Beef says he went into work a little late to allow time for the roads to clear, but it really was because he wanted to take Scamp out to play in the snow!! This was the first time she's been in it. She took her glove off, touched the snow, and jerked her hand back fast!! She didn't know it was going to be so cold. She loved every minute though!!

What's On Your Fridge?

Here's the right side of the fridge. We can't stick any magnets on the front because it's stainless. I love pictures, so the fridge is full of them.

This is the left side with more magnets and the cool picture frame Stacy made me. And, check out the Napoleon Dynamite memo pad!!! Beef and I love the movie. It reminds me of my high school experiences.

These are my favorite magnets! We collect them from our vacations. We went to Outer Banks -- the islands outside North Carolina -- for our 3rd year anniversary before Scamp was born. It's the most romantic place, but it took us a good 14 hours to get there! The bear is from Gatlinburg. We usually rent a chalet and spend a few days with my family there.

Thanks for the great idea Stacy!

What's On Your Fridge? Nothing, apparently!!

Well, crud!! I've got three pictures to upload, and it's taking a heck of a long time, and I'm extremely irritated because I only blog while Scamp is asleep! She's about to wake up, and I feel like I've wasted all this time. Hopefully, I'll have those pictures up soon

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Blog Talkers #5

Tell us about your first love. What did you learn about yourself from that relationship/experience? What kind of life do you think he/she is living today?

I was 15. He was 16, and we met at band camp. I didn't know he had a girlfriend, or I wouldn't have hung out with him so much. But, after camp, he broke up with her to "go out" with me. He was very energetic, liked to be the center of attention, and was pretty obnoxious about it. But, I didn't mind at the time. He was a romantic, a singer, and played the sax and guitar. He used to sing songs to me. We didn't ever really go on dates but a time or two because I couldn't date until I was 16.

He was very smart but didn't apply himself to his school work. He wanted to work in the computer industry, so that may be what he's doing today. We went out about a year before he broke up with me. He said he felt guilty because he had kissed a couple of girls over the summer while we were apart. I hated him after that, but finally forgave him. He went off to a Christian college, and I think dropped out. He was married and has at least one child, maybe more. I think we live in the same city now.

I hid my feelings a lot in our relationship because I didn't know any other way. But, eventually I learned that I needed to trust people, needed to share my feelings, and could have my own likes and dislikes without people disliking me. I really could be my own person.

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